i dont really need your sorry. i need you. the you that ive met 7 months ago

theres so many things i would like to say to you right now…. but i cant.
hey its your bday tday! i wish i could just be there with you spending your bday just like what we’ve planned a month ago. yes a month ago. but im here, youre there prob spending it with her, its okay as long as youre happy. stoop, i wish you a wonderful birthday, youre an adult now so act like one kay? i wish you got her out of ur mind this year so that you wont be so stressed out when she’s finally getting married. i hope the girl thats been loving you as much as i am never gets tired of being played by you so you still always have ur distraction. i wish, you laugh and smile more cause who doesnt love that laugh and smile?

hey stoop, i miss you you know? ya you know. i dont know why but i do, this past 30 days has been really hard for me. if only i could talk to you catching up like before, you know, laugh at each other bad jokes, acting silly on the street, picking up on each other, i would. but i cant and its killing me. you never even ask around about me duh silly me.

im blabbering, the point is, happy birthday to you stoop

love,
your yearight-bullshitbutnotspbullshit-melancholy- exgirlfriend
-moo

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

what i learned about growing up are, people come and go. things change in a split of second. and you only live once.

 you are my guilty pleasure stoop. i know that you are NEVER GONNA BE good enough for me. and u’ll always be that jerk they always talk about. loving you was my guilty pleasure… it was short but thanks for the lies thats making everything so beautiful for me. i was sincere, and if maybe someday you got hit by a car, in a plane crash or got struck by a lighting and then you decided to really change and be a decent guy, i’ll be here always.

always curious to crack ur twisted pretty minds. 

love, 

ur pms bitch

last night my feelings and my mind having a huge fight. so huge that they left me alone with numb. feelings was miserably missing someone, someone that used to make everything incredibly amazing. his smile, his touch, him.just him. he dont have to try so hard to make things easier for feelings. and feelings have a thought, if i really let this one go away, how long should i wait again to find another one like this? the last time it took me almost 2 years, should i wait that long again? we were perfectly imperfect.we’re both a very fucked up person who happens to meet each other in a very unexpected way.  do i really need to let this one go for good…? but than, mind interfere. mind said that you knew damn well that he is a liar, he does not own a heart, if u stay you r not so different than those whores who he fucks around with. and youre better than that. be smart enough like that girl who decide to leave him because she knows he was not good for her, be smart enough like that girl that was brave enough to leave him and right now she ended up engaged with a nice guy. be like her. BE LIKE HER. 

it was an intense fight.

now i feel nothing. 

“ We’re at the same party last night and somehow your voice is still the only thing i can hear over the music playing in the background.

i try not to look at you and you try to pretend like im not there and i keep laughing with my friends and i pretend like it doesnt matter anymore.

it doesnt matter anymore.

ten shots in and youre the only face i can make out in that crowded room.

I tell myself that im okay, that its better this way.

i take 5 more shots and youre still the only thing theres room for in my head. i get up off the chair and youre the only one in this room that i want to see tonight and i see you.

i run into you purposefully and the alcohol is giving me voices i didnt know i had and so i kiss you and tell you i love you and i dont take it back.

you tell me to go home and i say ‘home is when im with you’ “